Prenatal Musing

It's September now. It's the month that has represented the ultimate change in my life this year. My baby is due on the 25th. The anticipation is killing me. And, in the last few weeks, the fear has set in. I know all dads are afraid when their first child is coming. It's natural. But I'm not afraid because I don't know what to excpect or what to do. I'm afraid because I know myself. I have no tenacity. I get a goal in my head and pursue it for a week or two, but as soon as it gets hard, I quit. I say I never really wanted it. I make excuses for not pursuing. And right now, the goal I have set for myself is being a good father. I've been online all day reading parenting articles. I've been imagining what she'll be like. But, I know that a few weeks after she's born I'll be tired and become unattentive. I'll set a pattern for myself of pacifying her so I can do what I want. I'll pass her off more than I should. But I can't say that I Never really wanted her. There is no excuse for me failing as a parent. Growing up, I had a very clear sense that my dad provided for me, but my mom raised me. I don't want that for my little girl. I don't want her to feel awkward around her father 80% of the time. I don't want her to have to hide the way she's feeling from her dad. I want my daughter to grow up know that she is loved consistntly every second. So, how do I avoid half-assing parenting?

5 Comments

Comment by Joshua on September 4, 2008 at 12:17am: I have a 3 week old daughter and i am identical to you with only lasting for a few days on something. I dont know what it is or how it happens but the first time you see your daughters face you change. It is like everyday you wake up and all you can think about is loving your daughter and being a great father. It becomes instinct dont worry. you will do great

Comment by William on September 4, 2008 at 12:31am: I was all gung-ho the first week or two after bringing our first daughter (Lauren) home from the hospital. I'd cheerfully get up all night to feed her. I was excited and curious at the same time. Of course then sleep deprivation finally kicked in and I dreaded getting up!

But like Joshua said, it becomes instinct. I too was afraid before Lauren was born because when I'd be around other kids, I just wasn't interested. It's totally different (and better) when it's your own child.

Comment by Ben Potter on September 4, 2008 at 9:04am: Thanks, guys. That's really encouraging and I hope you're right.

Comment by Joe Ingersoll on September 4, 2008 at 9:15pm: As a father of a 3 1/2 year old daughter, I know how you are feeling. What you have to remember, and what I remind myself of on occasion is part of being a good father is just being there. Yes, sometimes I get caught up in watching football or messing around on my laptop when I should be spending time with my daughter. I try to wait until after she goes down for the night (around 8:30pm) to do most of my other time consuming activities that would take my attention away from her. Be sure to make the most out of the time you do spend with her. For example, 1) on the way home from picking her up from daycare/pre-school, we talk about her day, the scenary, and what she wants for dinner or what she wants to do that evening. 2) Before bed, I let her pick out a book and I read to her every night. and 3) Dinner is served and eaten at the dinner table. No TV or other interruptions.

I would also highly recommend the book: "Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters" by Meg Meeker, M.D.

Don't stress about it too much. You're gonna be a great dad.

Comment by Dazed And Confused on September 15, 2008 at 10:26pm: brother you will do great listen to joe he seem to have a great lifestyle and such and as long as your wife is supportive of your parenting and the way you provide for your family you will be fine. But you also need to realize that she went through a lot to bring that baby into the world, and she needs a break to so now when she gets home this will be the time she needs you most. keep in mind she is still recovering from a lot. just love her and do all you can to show her that you love her....