Need some advice and some assurance....

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Permalink Reply by Eric Enochs on June 30, 2009 at 10:56am

Thats a tough situation because its all based on how you and your ex wife relationship is. if its respectful and good then you can hope that she is discussing you in a positive light to your son. If it is bad then your son will grow up not really understanding you. I think your involvement also plays a part. If you can I would seek more overnights with your son. Maybe even look into getting custody.

I am a single father with full custody of my two kids. I work hard for my kids to know who their mom is and to give her opportunity to be there. It is then up to her to build that relationship with them. If she doesn't take the time to do it then its her fault. I'm sure I will be blamed but my biggest fear is that i didn't give my kids a opportunity to know their mom and they hate me. I always tell myself that it wasn't my kids who wanted the divorce it was us. So its not their fault they have to grow up without both parents. I think parents forget that and tend to think about themselves. Jon and Kate are a big example, they both say they are for the kids but 1 parent is off living in a different state while the other one lets the show continue.

I wish you luck and please ask anything you need to know. this is what the site is for.

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Permalink Reply by Andy Hartle on June 30, 2009 at 11:10am

Thank you Eric for the reply. To answer your question, me and my ex-wife do have a good parent relationship NOW. It was very rough in the beginning when the affair was going on. I brought up the topic of "do you talk about me" to her and she did say that she does. She grew up not knowing her father and she says she doesnt want to make that mistake with our son. Regarding additional overnights, once he turns one in September, I will then get him every other weekend and one over night during the week of my non weekend.

I do not think that I have enough dirt on her to fight for full custody. Atleast thats what my sometimes pathetic lawyer said. Although she is building a case against herself by moving for the fourth time since he was born 10 months ago. She has no job, and hasnt for over a year. She lives with the adulter and of all things his mother. But according to my lawyer, having an affair doesnt make her a bad mother. I dont know....

Eric Enochs said:

Thats a tough situation because its all based on how you and your ex wife relationship is. if its respectful and good then you can hope that she is discussing you in a positive light to your son. If it is bad then your son will grow up not really understanding you. I think your involvement also plays a part. If you can I would seek more overnights with your son. Maybe even look into getting custody.

I am a single father with full custody of my two kids. I work hard for my kids to know who their mom is and to give her opportunity to be there. It is then up to her to build that relationship with them. If she doesn't take the time to do it then its her fault. I'm sure I will be blamed but my biggest fear is that i didn't give my kids a opportunity to know their mom and they hate me. I always tell myself that it wasn't my kids who wanted the divorce it was us. So its not their fault they have to grow up without both parents. I think parents forget that and tend to think about themselves. Jon and Kate are a big example, they both say they are for the kids but 1 parent is off living in a different state while the other one lets the show continue.

I wish you luck and please ask anything you need to know. this is what the site is for.

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Permalink Reply by Scott Huffman on June 30, 2009 at 12:22pm

Andy,

Your situation is landing heavy on my heart. I can only imagine what you are going through. The best thing you can do for your children is to be in their life and constantly show them that you love them. If/When your 10 month old starts to question the relationship you have to his mom, be honest but also be nice. I can not comment from experience, and I pray I never have to, but I as well as the other dads on this site will be here if you need to talk.

Take care,

Scott H.
www.facebook.com/tripletdad7
www.myspace.com/tripletdad7
www.twitter.com/tripletdad7
http://tripletdad7.blogspot.com

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Permalink Reply by Chris on June 30, 2009 at 12:36pm

I sort of had something like this happen to me. My wife cheated on me and got pregnant but it was not my child. We had a child together though. She ended up marrying the guy she was cheating on me with and she is still with him. My biggest problem was that he was part of my son's life now. I live in Indianapolis and and he lives up in Lafayette. I don't get to see him any where near as much as I want to. I do have a very strong relationship with him, but I was with him full time for the first 4 years of his life.

He calls his step dad "dad". I don't like it, but I don't tell him he cant. He is with him all the time but he knows who his real father is. He recently asked me why me and his mother divorced. I didn't lie to him, but I didn't bash his mother. He now knows the truth.

If you need to talk to someone, I can try to help out.

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Permalink Reply by Joe Ingersoll on July 1, 2009 at 8:40am

My parents were divorced when I was 6 years old. Looking at this from the perspective of the child, what is most important to them is for their father to continue to be active in their life. As long as you make the most of the time you have with your child, and don't harp on your ex's faults all the time (like so many people do), things will work out fine.

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Permalink Reply by Eric Enochs on July 7, 2009 at 11:37am

Andy,

That is the biggest problem with this state. As fathers we have to find dirt on our ex wives and make it out to the courts that they are unfit for us to get a chance. These are people we use to love and we are forced to break them down. I'm still surprised every time I think of how I got full custody and that it could of easily not happen.

I would like for once for the courts or someone to say hey the kids are better off with the dad and give him custody.

Andy Hartle said:

Thank you Eric for the reply. To answer your question, me and my ex-wife do have a good parent relationship NOW. It was very rough in the beginning when the affair was going on. I brought up the topic of "do you talk about me" to her and she did say that she does. She grew up not knowing her father and she says she doesnt want to make that mistake with our son. Regarding additional overnights, once he turns one in September, I will then get him every other weekend and one over night during the week of my non weekend.

I do not think that I have enough dirt on her to fight for full custody. Atleast thats what my sometimes pathetic lawyer said. Although she is building a case against herself by moving for the fourth time since he was born 10 months ago. She has no job, and hasnt for over a year. She lives with the adulter and of all things his mother. But according to my lawyer, having an affair doesnt make her a bad mother. I dont know....

Eric Enochs said:

Thats a tough situation because its all based on how you and your ex wife relationship is. if its respectful and good then you can hope that she is discussing you in a positive light to your son. If it is bad then your son will grow up not really understanding you. I think your involvement also plays a part. If you can I would seek more overnights with your son. Maybe even look into getting custody.

I am a single father with full custody of my two kids. I work hard for my kids to know who their mom is and to give her opportunity to be there. It is then up to her to build that relationship with them. If she doesn't take the time to do it then its her fault. I'm sure I will be blamed but my biggest fear is that i didn't give my kids a opportunity to know their mom and they hate me. I always tell myself that it wasn't my kids who wanted the divorce it was us. So its not their fault they have to grow up without both parents. I think parents forget that and tend to think about themselves. Jon and Kate are a big example, they both say they are for the kids but 1 parent is off living in a different state while the other one lets the show continue.

I wish you luck and please ask anything you need to know. this is what the site is for.

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Permalink Reply by William on July 7, 2009 at 10:54pm

Then it's your lucky year. My brother-in-law was granted full physical custody (temporary until divorce is final, then it will be permanent). I believe he and his soon to be ex have shared legal custody.

Eric Enochs said:

Andy,

That is the biggest problem with this state. As fathers we have to find dirt on our ex wives and make it out to the courts that they are unfit for us to get a chance. These are people we use to love and we are forced to break them down. I'm still surprised every time I think of how I got full custody and that it could of easily not happen.

I would like for once for the courts or someone to say hey the kids are better off with the dad and give him custody.

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